Chapter 1: Prologue – I shall teach you HTGTAW
Hai, hai! So who am I? Well, I am the most respected sensei that you could ever have, Mr. Truck-kun. Why Mr. Truck-kun you ask? Well, that’s because that’s the most cliche way to travel to another world. Why did we hit on the topic of traveling to another world? Well, because as the title says: HTGTAW, also known as: How To Go To Another World. Basically, I shall teach you how to go to another world.
(A/N : Please, do not do or attempt to do any dangerous activities at home cough don’t run into trucks, etc. I am not responsible for that, so do NOT read further if you’re tempted or have “suicidal” thoughts)
Well let’s welcome Mr.Truck-kun, our special guest … or not, I’m not even Japanese (no offense to Japanese Truck-kun). Hai, name’s Pro. The Pro as in pro player or protagonist is prefered rather than Pro as in Prolog. A bit about me, I absolutely do NOT have any suicidal thoughts. No joke. Although my life’s not all pros, but we can’t expect a life full of pros now can we, especially with horrible puns such as this.
Wondering why I don’t have a last name? Even though I’m not, I would say I’m an orphan, but hey what’s that behind you? Alright let’s move on. As for where I live, it’s just as simple as it can get. Another cliche life in this modern century. Go to school, get a job, live as a salaryman, I haven’t even done that yet actually.
Alright, getting to the point and out of this lousy text filler/monologue, let’s talk about all the ways one (I) can try (have tried) to go to another world. So as I said earlier, cliche ways to go, get trucked. Car might work, too. You know how it goes, you “accidentally” walk across the street and “unfortunately” you get rammed till kingdom comes by prearranged fated vehicle. Sorry, but no saving damsel in distress because there are laws in place that actually help (probably barely) reduce the rate in which our fantasies of being that knight in shining armor becomes reality.
For real, society is just too “good” these days. Like how when I just stood there when a truck comes ramming at me. I thought, “It finally came”, but lord and behold, the truck driver managed to swerve to the side last minute and all I got was some wind blasting into my face, knocking me onto my butt like a silly idiot. As for actually trying to “accidentally” walk out for an “unfortunate” encounter, sob, that “friendly” pedestrian by my side yanked me back with Herculean strength.
So, research must be done. Simple tactic of seeking deat – I mean going to another world, won’t work. Hence, all of us adventurous light novel geeks spend approximately enough time a day on light novels that if we used that time for something else, for example performing a task repetitively, we might become geniuses at that something else already. But hey, at least from reading a lot, we learn that there is a special tactic that we could use, or at least I did.
What’s common between the death of all of these go to another world cliche novels? Well it’s that the main character dies in the most unexpected way. Author keeps coming up with new ways to die for every story that there is so much out there that these ways to die become our so called cliche. But before they became cliche, they were all unexpected deaths. So you’re wondering how to achieve this unexpected deat- I mean trip to another world?
Simple. Epiphany says “No care, no know where, no know null compare”. What does that mean? Just don’t care about it, don’t specify a deathbed, and don’t think about it (because you don’t know how to compare yourself to nothing so just don’t). And behold awesome fate, it brought the result I wanted, Final Destination.
In a closed bar, fan blows on a marble ball which rolls and knocks into an unbalanced, tipping glass cup on the edge of the table. The cup falls over and lands on the switch for the speakers. The large speakers on the platform turn on and starts blasting music but one just so happens to malfunction and a spark of electricity lights up the spilled alcohol right next to the speaker. The trail of wine just so happens to lead to combustible cloth that caught on fire. The fire spreads … and the fire alarm rings.
Tumbling sounds came from a room upstairs and people rushed down. Someone had already grabbed a fire extinguisher and pshh, there goes my precious baby fire that almost snaked up to the couch where I was sleeping. Aiii, just why get my hopes up I wonder as I get up from the couch, and then bam. Something heavy knocks onto my head. As I fell while my vision fades out, I turn just in time to glimpse that it was the fire extinguisher that was tossed away hazardously by the drunk “friend” that quenched the fire. Thank you.
And I wake up in the hospital with tetraplegia, or paralysis below the neck. Definitely a pro situation. Especially since the doctor firmly stated that I will be living like that for the rest of my life. Okay, time to speak up to get euthanasia for the ticket to another world. Okay, I can barely even make noise. Apparently, talking functions lost due to long term over dosage of alcohol. Is that even a thing?! Seriously?!
But wait! No hospital bill, no long term stay in hospital for treatment equals one way ticket to- WHAT DID YOU SAY DOCTOR?! You say no worries because my “friend” who caused the injury was rich and just so happens to foot the bill for a lifetime for me due to guilt. I would also be placed in an isolated private room and taken care of outside of the hospital. No way in hell that there is someone so nice these days? Please donate your money to charity instead I want to say, but I can’t.
Hence, 75 years later, I finally passed away at the age of 107. And well, that’s how you do it, because I finally made it to where I want to be. The room where I met the omnipotent being.